Every parent wants to raise children who are honest. However, as your child grows and develops a mind of their own, you may notice that they start telling little white lies. Some kids lie to avoid getting in trouble while others fabricate lies to get something they want. You may be troubled by this dishonesty, but it’s important to know that lying is normal for young children. That doesn’t mean, however, that you should let it slide. Honesty is a core value that you can instill in your child at a very young age. No matter how little your child may be, here are some ways to begin teaching your children to be honest.
SET AN EXAMPLE OF HONESTY
To teach honesty, you must set an example of honesty. While it can be difficult, especially with sensitive topics, avoid lying to your child. It’s better to let them know that it’s okay that some things are hard to talk about rather than covering them up. You are your child’s primary role model, so you can’t expect them to tell the truth if you’re not honest with them. With that said, you need to keep your answer child-appropriate, and it’s okay to create appropriate boundaries around private matters.
Express how important honesty is
While they’re still young, you can begin to tell and show your children that honesty is an important value to your family. By using age-appropriate language, let them know explicitly that lying breaks trust and it is important that your family believes what you are saying is true.
DON’T ASK QUESTIONS WHEN YOU already KNOW THE ANSWER
One way to deter lying is not setting your child up to lie. If you know they haven’t picked up their toys in their room, there’s no need to ask if they’ve cleaned up. Preschool-aged children often lie out of a desire to avoid getting in trouble. Instead, let them know that you already know the truth. This step avoids putting them in a position in which they feel the need to lie.
AVOID LABELING
It’s never a good idea to call your child a liar. In the short term, it puts them on the defensive. Over time, they may start to believe that they’re a liar and continue acting on that misinformation. Instead, help your child understand that you don’t like their lies, but you love them. If something sounds untrue, let them know that you feel they may be speaking dishonestly, giving them the opportunity to explain why they lied.
BE CALM
While it may be difficult to keep your cool if you catch your child in a lie, some children are dishonest because they’re afraid their parents will have a big emotional reaction. If you tend to be harsh and punitive, they may learn to avoid telling you the truth. Instead, approach the situation calmly when your child lies, even if that means taking a few moments to cool off. They need to know that it’s okay for them to come forward with the truth. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t discipline your kids, just make sure it’s done in a calm and loving manner.
TELL THEM HOW HAPPY HONESTY MAKES YOU
Most small children are extremely motivated to please their parents and other authority figures. When you let them know that telling the truth makes you happy, your child may be more likely to practice honesty.
PRAISE HONESTY
Telling the truth takes a lot of courage, especially when a child is afraid of punishment. When your little one comes to you with the truth, reward them with praise. This reaction will help your child feel good about their honesty, especially in situations where a lie would have been easier.
When children feel safe and believed, they’re more likely to be honest with you. If you find your little one making up big stories, take the opportunity to talk about the importance of honesty and why telling lies can be harmful. As they grow, they’ll start to understand how detrimental lying is. But at this age, they still have a lot of developing to do before they can fully grasp the concept.